she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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