wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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