She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
