glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Less talking, more tequila
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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