I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
