I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize