Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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