Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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