My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
