How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
