i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
