Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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