Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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