I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
