dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
