my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
