sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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