Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
