I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So vagazzling was a success
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
