Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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