My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
