you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
