The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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