Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
