the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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