I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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