You smell like stripper and shame
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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