so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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