hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
