Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
