every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
