bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
