it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
