well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
