so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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