Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
