"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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