surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
