Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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