some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
