i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
