Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
