party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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