That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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