dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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