I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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