The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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