I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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