I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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