I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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