she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
