Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
