I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
