Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize