just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
