my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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