i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she peed on how many people?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
