If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
