You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize