I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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