guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
