I love black thongs
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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