when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize