it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
