she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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