arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
