I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
