the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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