you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
