if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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