Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't turn off my feet"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
