i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
