I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
