to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
