i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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